Chapter I
It is the 23rd of March. This day catastrophe, an Apocalypse if you will, was being planned. Not the sort of big explosions kind of thing, but a more suttle way of the world ending. It was being schemed by two very different kind of supernatural forces.
Thoke Harrison looked what we would call normal. He was fairly tall, fit, dark brown hair and dark green eyes, that stood out from his young face. He wore a black t-shirt, blue jeans, black sneakers, a dark brown duster and on his back he carried his 110 centimeter longsword. That could be considered strange, but Thoke had been around some time and the people had gotten used to him carrying it around. If a normal person tried to lift the sword it would take them a lot of work to get a single swing. Thoke who was some what supernatural and had used the same sword for ages could fight with it using one hand. The handle of the blade was green dyed leather. The cross-guard and pommel were silver. The blade itself was steel. It had been used quite a lot, but was not rusted or dented. Those demons sure know how to make steel. He also kept a small dagger on his belt. Better to have it when you need it, rather than not have it and die.
In Denver he hadn´t run into any fight yet, until today. It was around 3.15 p.m. when a strange wave of energy brushed past him. And then all hell was set loose.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Alright well this is fun. It seems like an attempt at a slightly different form of apocalypse. There are hundreds of all sorts of apocalypses out there but yes explosions do seem to the most common situation and in this case it appears explosions are being explicitly discarded as not relevant to this one so I like that. Its a bit of a bold comment and it works in getting your attention as a reader.
That sudden switch their from narrator to this more third person limited sort of style is a bit jarring I will say and I don't know if that really works well here, sticking with one or the other I think would be a better idea than doing both especially in a piece that is as short as this one happens to be, but besides that small situation, I think you've done quite the job there in terms of painting this person as a character. We don't learn nearly enough to get a sense of personality beyond the barest hint but we get a decent sense of what this world may be like and how this person has reacted to it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ok.....Firstly, I couldn't find anything wrong with it...But I think that it was far too short, and I hope you're going to extend it..... But me like!
Ooh it's the first part
Interesting start. I would say.
The setting is good and all, but this would have worked better as a prologue.
Because, in a chapter you normally have more description: for example about where is the MC and what do the surroundings look like. And also a chapter normally has some dialogue or description of what the MC is thinking about.
I liked the humor in the chapter.
All Together a very good piece, even though it could be made better.
Keep on the good work.
Regards
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LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE